Game of Thrones: Episode 27 & 28

Episode 27: The Bear and the Maiden Fair

SPOILER ALERT: This post is absolutely riddled with spoilers so if you haven't seen the episode, don't blame me.

Jon Snow and his wildling gang are about a week from Castle Black, by his reckoning. He seems very pleases with himself. Amazing what love will do for a man. Orelle is acting the bollocks and Jon isn't impressed. It seems that he's taken quite a fancy to Jon's Ygritte.

Robb Stark is on the move but the rain is hampering movement and dampening spirits it would seem. Not passions though as himself and his wife still seem to have lots of sex. Immediately after sex Talisa begins to write a letter. This is her way of beginning to tell him that she's pregnant.This is a bit of a game changer. It's a very strange moment, much less happy than it should be which probably has to do with the thunderstorm raging outside.

Tormund Giantsbane is giving Jon Snow unwanted lessons on how to have sex. Orelle is telling Ygritte that she should be with him. If he wasn't such a wanker, he'd be quite convincing. Ygritte says she loves Jon.

Sansa is still crying and you have to wonder how she can have any tears left. Margaery Tyrell is the one listening this time. Margaery is telling her to make the most of what she has. Her son, for example, could be Lord of both Casterly Rock and Winterfell. Sansa is afraid about the sex part. Margaery basically tells her how big a slut she is.

Tyrion is talking to Bronn about how Sansa is too young for him. Bronn doesn't see the problem. The discussion, as usual, takes place with some wine and vulgarity.

Tywin Lannister has been summoned in front of his grandson who sits on the throne. Joffrey tries to exert his authority and Tywin doesn't give him much time for his insolence. Tywin claims not to be worried about Daenerys and her dragons.

She and her counsel of Ser Jorah and Ser Barristan are staring at Yunkai, a slave city they are considering an attack on. It seems Daenerys is on a warpath to end slavery. She is the Abe Lincoln of the show. She summons the chief slaver to her to accept their surrender. He's a creepy looking prick and you'd wonder how he could be master over other humans. He gets pretty spooked by the dragons. Daenerys looks quite regal and a little smug. She also looks incredible in white. The Yunkai offer her any gold and ships she desires provided she doesn't sack their city. She wants them to release all the slaves and there is obviously no agreement.

Tyrion has bought Shae some jewellery. She is not at all happy about this upcoming marriage. He isn't either making all sorts of promises to her but they don't seem to matter.

Melisandre and Gendry are sailing past King's Landing. She tells him that his blood is noble and gendry is still fucking clueless to the idea so she finally gives in and tells him that he is King Robert's bastard.

Arya is sad and angry. Beric Dondarrion and Thoros don't seem overly bothered by their betrayal. They have found a Lannister raiding party and are going in the wrong direction. Arya runs away as she thinks they'll never bring her to Riverrun. They don't manage to find her again - but The Hound does.

Jaime is getting ready to leave for King's Landing again. Brienne is worried about her future but more worried that Jaime won't keep his word to return the Stark girls home. They part on good terms with Brienne calling him Ser Jaime for the first time.

Theon Greyjoy has a bizarre and stupid scene where he is allowed to get his throat and dick wet for a minute. The torturer comes in at the wrong time to ruin Theon's life again. We aren't shown the act but we are pretty sure that Theon will not have his famous penis the next time we see him.

Ygritte thinks that a windmill is a palace. She doesn't know what swooning or fainting is. Jon tells her there's no way the wildlings can win. He's very sad about it but feels he needs to tell her. She reminds him that he is a Wildling now too and for some reason she's very turned on by the whole conversation.

In the hills, Osha is talking to Hodor who isn't the greatest for conversation. She is not a fan of magic at all. They're not going to Castle Black anymore and Jojen now wants to go beyond the Wall to find the raven. Bran agrees but Osha does not. She is terrified to go beyond the Wall again. Her ex boyfriend turned into a dead man and came back to kill her is the reason why.

Qyburn is looking after Jaime on his trip back. Qyburn got his chain taken away from him so he could perform experiments. Jaime finds out that Brienne life may be in danger because of a lie he told while previously trying to save her from getting raped. He returns to Harrenhal where Brienne is literally in a bear pit with a wooden sword. Jaime jumps into the pit with her even with his one hand. With a little help, they both manage to escape from the pit with their lives. Jaime has done something noble and quite selfless.

Episode 28: Second Sons

SPOILER ALERT: This post is absolutely riddled with spoilers so if you haven't seen the episode, don't blame me.

The Hound quotes

Arya wakes up next to a big rock and decides she wants to put it through Sandor Clegane's face. It doesn't work out very well for her and they ride away. Her opinion of The Hound doesn't quite change but she is certainly happy that he is bringing her to the Twins to get a ransom from Robb and Catelyn. Her spirits have lifted at least.

The men protecting Yunkai are called the Second Sons led by the Titan's Bastard. They are a group of 2,000 sellswords. The Titan's Bastard has quite the mouth on him. Daario Naharis seems like a much more interesting and interested character. Daenerys gives them an ultimatum and they leave to think on it. Daenerys' three men are all quite offended by the Titan's Bastard.

Gendry has arrived on Dragonstone. Stannis gives him the once over and is not impressed. Stannis knows what Melisandre plans to do with Gendry but is not sure how he feels about it. Davos Seaworth is having trouble reading in his dungeon when Stannis comes to visit. He means to tell him all of what Melisandre plans to do because he knows it's the wrong thing to do. He is going to free Davos and Davos sees through the whole thing. He urges caution. Stannis tells him of his vision in the flames. He truly believes the Lord of Light is real.

Forgive me your grace, i am not a lettered man
The Titan's Bastard, Daario Naharis, some native American looking man, and a whore a trying to decide what they should do. They decide they're going to slip into Daenerys' tent tonight and kill her so that they won't have to deal with the Unsullied. Daario Naharis draws the coin.

Sansa is visited by Tyrion Lannister. They have quite the awkward conversation where Tyrion tries to make everything alright. It's never going to be alright. They are ready to go to their wedding.

Margaery is attempting to woo Cersei downstairs. It doesn't go well. Cersei tells her the story of the Rains of Castamere and issues a not-so-idle threat. The wedding begins and Joffrey has to give Sansa away. He's certainly a sadistic little bastard, playing a rather cruel trick on his uncle ensuring the wedding is even more awkward that it was in the first place.

If you ever call me sister again I'll have you strangled in your sleep

Gendry is in his dark but quite lavish bedchamber. Melisandre lights some candles, pours some wine, and gets quite naked. She takes some if his clothes off first. They are going to stop the darkness by boning apparently. Seconds in she ties him up which he is ok with until she takes out the leeches. She even puts one on his cock because that's where the blood is at the moment. Davos and Stannis enter. She takes the leeches off again, and Stannis throws them in the fire uttering three names: Robb Stark, Baelon Greyjoy, and Joffrey Baratheon.

Olenna Tyrell is making light of the family tree and Loras is not impressed. Tyrion is absolutely shitfaced and Joffrey moves away to torment Sansa a little more. Tyrion claims to be the god of tits and wine in front of his less-than-impressed father. Loras attempts to curry favor with Cersei and is told in no uncertain terms to go fuck himself. Joffrey tells Sansa he's considering raping her later. He announces the bedding ceremony. Tyrion threatens him with a knife but Tywin manages to calm tensions somewhat.

And so my watch begins

Upstairs Tyrion decides that he is not yet drunk enough although he can barely walk or talk. Sansa has been expecting and dreading this all day. She drinks some wine and then begins to undress. Tyrion stops her and in an act of drunken chivalry tells her he will not have sex with her until she wants to. He promptly passes out on the couch.

Daario Naharis steals into Daenerys' camp disguised as an Unsullied. She is taking a bath and Missandei is scrubbing her, while also insulting her Dothraki pronunciation. We see her boobs for the first time in a very long time. Daario Naharis doesn't want to kill her and presents his captains heads. It is clear that they may well both be in love with each other which could present a problem, but the Second Sons now belong to Daenerys.

Shae realizes that Tyrion and Sansa didn't have sex which makes her less angry at him.

I told them I am Daario Naharis, I always have a choice

Sam and Gilly have found a shelter for themselves to stay the night. There is a blizzard picking up and himself and Gilly are getting to know each other. Sam nearly cries when they talk about his father and Gilly lights another fantastic fire. A massive murder of crows have gathered outside. Sam the coward goes straight out with his sword drawn to see what the issue is. A Whitewalker has come to take the baby. Sam stands his ground and the Whitewalker shatters his sword swots Sam out of the way and moves on. Sam pulls the dragonglass out of his belt and buries it deep in the Whitewalkers back and it shatters just like the sword.