Game of Thrones: Episode 23 & 24

Episode 23: Walk of Punishment

SPOILER ALERT: This post is absolutely riddled with spoilers so if you haven't seen the episode, don't blame me.

Catelyn Stark quotes crying
 We are at Riverrun as the Blackfish and Robb Stark sent Hoster Tully's body down the river in a boat. His son, Edmure is responsible for sending the arrow that lights the boat on fire and sends him into the next world. He turns it into quite the embarrassing spectacle and misses three times before his uncle takes over and shows him how it's done.

Inside Edmure tries to give Robb counsel and gets shot down again. He seems to be quite the fuck up and made a major mistake in a battle with Tywin Lannister, surrendering The Mountain when he could have had his head on a spike. Instead they have a couple of distant relatives who are just boys. King Robb puts him in his place.

The aforementioned Tywin Lannister has assembled a small council meeting with the usual suspects - and Tyrion. Cersei also attends. It's all quite awkward and silent except when Tyrion drags his chair across the floor, which is the equivalent to Cersei of him dragging his sack across her face. No one knows where Jaime Lannister is. Littlefinger will be leaving to attempt to wed Lysa Arryn, leaving a gaping hole in the Master of Coin department, a void which Tyrion is ordered to fill.

Tyrion Lannister quotes
Gary Lightbody makes his guest appearance and Jaime and Brienne squabble back to back on top of a horse. Jaime tells Brienne what is ahead of her when they make camp and how much raping she is in for. He seems worried about her in his own way.

Gendry is helping Thoros of Myr and Arya is none too pleased. She also hates The Hound and tells him as much. Hot Pie has decided he's staying at the inn. Arya's little family is breaking up again.

Catelyn Stark is talking shite again, this time to the Blackfish, her uncle. He had a strained relationship with his brother. Catelyn will never see Bran and Rickon again but Robb believes they're alive.

Robb's wife is looking after the two Lannister young lads that Edmure captured, tending to their wounds. She's having a bit of a laugh with them.

Mance rayder quotes
Beyond the Wall, Mance Rayder has stumbled across another camp of severely dismembered dead horses. No men. All of the men that were there are now blue eyed corpses. Mance commands Tormund to climb the Wall and take Jon Snow with him.

The men of the Night's Watch that remain have made it back to Craster's Keep. They are almost frozen and starving. Craster is still an asshole. He allows them to come in but only feeds them bread and claims to be a godly man. He also managed to get a fat joke in Sam's direction which sends him out into the cold. Gilly is in the process of giving birth. It's a boy. Uh oh.

Theon is still hanging up when his new friend comes to save him. he takes him down and sends him off on a horse in the right direction. Yarra is waiting for him.

Back on Dragonstone, Melisandre is leaving on a quest and Stannis fears abandonment. He also wants to get laid again but Melisandre is holding out. The Lord of Light demands sacrifices.

Daenerys in on the walk of punishment where slaves are crucified every few yards. She tries to help one. Ser
There's a beast in every man
Barristan Selmy wishes her to leave Astapor but Ser Jorah thinks they should buy the Unsullied. He makes a good point. Selmy makes an equally good point and Daenerys struggles to make a decision. She claims to be the last dragon. In the next scene Daenerys decides she wants all of the Unsullied but does not have the money and so offers a dragon. Both of her knights beg her to reconsider. She will give the biggest dragon for all of the Unsullied in Astapor along with Missandei, the translator.

Ros is showing as much of her tits to Podric Payne but he isn't showing too much interest as she hands him the royal ledgers and Tyrion and Littlefinger make an exchange. Bronn is outside consorting with whores. They both decided what Podric's reward should be for saving Tyrion's life. He offers her three whores and Podric doesn't know what to do with himself. He leaves him with a pouch of gold coins. There follows a great scene after, where Podric comes back with the pouch, claiming that the whores wouldn't take the money. Tyrion also explains the basics of banking.

jaime lannister hand
Theon is still on the run and has been followed. He looks to be in trouble but the guy who helped him to escape saves his life again. He is a skilled archer and he is going to bring him back to his sister.

Very shortly after Theon is very nearly raped, Brienne is fighting her way out of a raping herself but is losing. Jaime, of all people, comes to her aid using his words and some lies in order to spare her maidenhood. He also manages to curry favor with his captors. They even go so far as to unchain him from his tree and offer him some food. Then it all turns sour for Jaime as they kneel him in from of a tree stump and chop his fucking hand off.

Episode 24: And Now His Watch Is Ended

SPOILER ALERT: This post is absolutely riddled with spoilers so if you haven't seen the episode, don't blame me.

varys quotes influence
 We open with Jaime Lannister having serious trouble living and his captors are enjoying making cruel japes at his expense. They apparently give him horse piss to drink and threaten to stick his severed hand up his arse. He fights back as does Brienne but it's very much a failed attempt.

Tyrion Lannister has entered Varys room as he is trying to open a crate of some form. Tyrion wants proof that there was an attempt on his life at the Battle of the Blackwater. Instead Varys tells him the story of how he was cut. It was a Sorcerer and as always their conversation goes around in circles. They speak of revenge and it all gets rather dark as Varys says what he has done in order to seek his revenge. Who should be in the crate only the Sorcerer who cut him all those years ago.

Beyond the Wall the men of the Night's Watch and Rast is speaking of mutiny. Gilly is inside with her crying baby boy. Sam is annoyingly calm for a man who is supposed to be craven. She wants Sam to save her son and he looks thoroughly befuddled.

Bran is running through the woods again and climbing trees. He wakes up just after his mother knocks him out of a tree. That's it. That's the scene.

Ros and Varys are discussing the extraordinary sexploits of one Podric Payne. She is clearly one of Varys' little birds again. She doesn't think Littlefinger has lost interest in Sansa Stark.

Lady Olenna quotes
Joffrey is getting a stalk telling Margaery about all of the death that befell the Targaryens. Cersei and Lady Olenna Tyrell about the pending nuptials and ceremony. Margaery is slowing winning Joffrey over with her incredibly fake words and it is riveting to watch. she can convince him to do almost anything already, including standing in front of his people.

Theon Greyjoy is supposedly on the way to Deepwood Motte with his Savior. They talk and get along. Theon is feeling sorry for himself which makes sense. He claims he could never be a Stark and yet he decides that Ned Stark was his real father. He regrets all he's done since he left Winterfell and it's about to get much worse for him and his Savior has led him right back to his torture chamber. It's impossible to understand why.

Brienne tells Jaime he needs to eat but Jaime decides he is dying and doesn't care about revenge. She tells him that he sounds like a woman as if it is the most repulsive thing one could be and he eats. She wonders why he saved her from being raped.

Cersei is having an audience with her father and as usual he is not being very receptive and what not. She is wondering why she can't contribute to his legacy. Her contribution - the Tyrells are a problem. He says that she has no control over Joffrey and he claims that he will.

Lord Varys quotes
Lady Olenna is complaining again about about how pussy her house is when Varys arrives.  She has taken an interest in Sansa Stark and Varys wants to know why. Or maybe that's not the real reason. He wants Sansa to marry Loras Tyrell before Littlefinger gets the chance to.

Cue Margaery Tyrell to creep up on Sansa while she is praying. She tries to make friends. She tells her a story that is blatantly not true. Sansa, being an idiot, falls for it. They don't kiss. They don't even come close but all males wished they did. She floats the idea of marrying Loras and them being sisters which pleases Sansa no end.

The Night's Watch lose another man to starvation. Rast is still very unhappy. He dreams of ham and potatoes. Inside Craster is being a prick again. One of the men give him some lip and Rast joins in. He claims to be a godly man. Everyone's blood is up at this point and then all hell breaks loose. First Craster is killed and then Rast sticks his sword straight through the Lord Commanders back. The Watch is gone fucking insane. Sam slips outside and runs with Gilly and her infant son.

Thoros of Myr and the Brotherhood have brought Arya, Gendry and The Hound to a cave. Beric Dondarrion is in this cave and he will be delivering the King's Justice. They accuse him of murder and sentence him to trial by combat.
Daenerys Targaryen quotes

Daenerys, as usual, looks like she isn't fucking about. She's her to deliver her dragon and buy her Unsullied. Obviously she has tricked everyone and speaks Valyrian all along. She orders her new soldiers to slay their masters and her dragon bakes Kraznys Mo Naklos alive. They lay waste to the entire city for good measure. She frees every single one of them before asking them to fight for her and marches off with her 8,000 men-who-are-not-men in toe. She is now a formidable threat and a very sexy one.

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